Soaking Up the Last Baby…

When I was a little girl, I always told my mom that I wanted to have 7 kids. For some reason “7” was my number. Even as I grew up, I always knew (and felt) that a big family needed to be in my future.  When I started dating Matt back in 1998, I’ll never forget being out on a date with him and me casually asking him, “Do you want to have kids someday?” When he responded, “Yeah – hopefully a bunch!” I knew he was the one!

Obviously we’ve decided to stop at 5. I just cannot for the life of me see 2 more kids added into the mix. Our hands are full and I’m smart enough to know when it’s time to “tap” out and raise the white flag. Not to mention – Matt’s perfect with 5, as are OUR OWN kids! When Victoria was born I remember turning to Matt and saying to him, “I’m done.” My pregnancy was a nervous one for me because I had suffered a miscarriage right before her. Every week during her pregnancy I was fearful of something going wrong, so truly… I knew in my heart and soul, she would be the last for me.

I remember people telling me when the boys were little (not knowing we would go on to have another) that I would just know when I’m “done” having kids. The yearning. The need. The want. All those feelings would disappear… it just wouldn’t be the same. I never believed anyone who would tell me that! I thought I would always, always, always look at a baby and yearn for another one. I always felt that my need and want to have babies would continue forever.

I can say now as a 39 year old mom of 5 that I have definitely experienced the I’m done feeling. Now the irony is that nobody believes me! But yes… I’m done and I am literally soaking up every single second of Victoria because I know she’s my last baby.

When we moved to our new house this summer I came across bins and boxes of maternity clothes, baby clothes and baby toys. It was bittersweet to see everything, but it didn’t leave an impression on me to have another. It made me smile to see everything and to remember back in time when the kids were all babies. I actually didn’t have the heart to donate or giveaway everything, so I made a memory bin for myself (and hopefully the kids will appreciate it someday!).

But Victoria… my last baby.

I’m soaking it ALL up.

I’m soaking up the bedtime baths.

I’m soaking up the midnight cuddles in bed.

I’m soaking up the sippy cups and Easy-ups.

I’m soaking up the bath toys and baby/toddler shampoos and washes.

I’m soaking up the carseats and the strollers.

I’m soaking up the kisses and hugs repeatedly.

I’m soaking up the baby dolls all over the living room floor.

I’m soaking up the bedtime books where she still needs someone to read to her.

I’m soaking up the little hand in mine.

I’m soaking up the tiny boots and gloves and hats.

I’m soaking up the mini tees mixed with the big ones.

I’m soaking up Disney Channel in the morning over the news.

I’m soaking up coloring time and no homework (yet!).

I’m soaking up sing-alongs in the car.

I’m soaking up knock-knock jokes and silly handshakes.

I’m soaking up snuggling on my lap on the couch.

I’m soaking up a little sidekick following me everywhere.

I’m soaking up cribs and gates.

I’m soaking up “Mommy – one more kiss!”

I’m soaking up love eyes for Mommy.

I’m soaking it all up!

My sons are amazing and love me to pieces, but I see the “other side” of toddler-hood.  I see the walking in a little ahead of me. I see the texting and SnapChat replacing family chats more and more. I see how kids start to get up on their own and get ready in the morning without help. I see the other side and I know it’s coming. I know it’s there. And it’s normal and it needs to be that way, but I’m holding onto my Victoria… my last baby for as long as I possibly can.

The beauty of life is that time passes and goes on.

But right now… today. I can hold onto my 4 year old and know that it’s not time yet to be a teenager.

Not yet!