Bras – the one thing about Running that separates the men from the… well, women ~
Bra. Brassiere. Breast Supporter.
Or what still rings in my ears from 6th grade boys: Over Shoulder Boulder Holder to my college years of Burn that Bra!
The uplifting story of the modern bra has involved everything from whale bones for support to plunging-push-up-padding, from 18-hour promises to “secrets” from Victoria.
But RUNNING, R-U-N-N-I-N-G requires something to keep those babies In Tact. Supported. Dry. Comfortable. Without re-mortgaging my home.
Men don’t know this pain. Men don’t lug shopping carts of running bras into dressing rooms, try these necessities on – one at a time – because that’s the only way possible, then pull on a t-shirt or running shirt over each one to assess how it feels and looks.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat ’til the announcement that the store is closing and the lights are dimmed.
And you leave with nothing but what’s hanging from your chest. And inside your chest – a broken heart – knowing that tomorrow you still must run with that old rag of a thing that you cherish, but has been discontinued by the manufacturer for going on 5 years now.
Men don’t know the backbreaking work of searching the internet for a good Sports Bra… literally clicking through hundreds of sites, studying the promises of “unbeatable” comfort, support, engineered performance. One of my favorite promises is “bounce free bliss.” I love the word bliss when it comes a sports bra, until that bliss will set me back $35.00 + shipping and handling. AND I HAVEN’T EVEN TRIED IT ON AND NEED AT LEAST 4 OF THESE BLISS-MAKERS.
Men don’t understand the horror of washing a sports bra, only to find it twisted shapeless and those little padding things having sneaked out and then attempting to put those devils back in. You end up with one side up around your neck and the other around your waist. Just the look I’m going for.
Men don’t know the pain of opening a bra drawer and… well, needing an aid station to recuperate from all the words that describe this mountain of money: rock steady, moving comfort, double layer cushion, star performer, pro fierce, seamless perfection, razorback, t-back, energy.
So lately, I’ve come to purchasing my running bras off the rack, no trying on – bulls-eyeing it, you might say. Cheapest first. Hoping for the best.
Yesterday, I struck pay dirt with this little beauty…
Off that rack at T.J. Maxx…
Fits like a glove. Except I don’t wear it on my hands.
$12.99. No re-mortgage necessary.
Oh, doesn’t it sound so blissful!
I’ll get back to you once it’s been washed.
SO – WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE RUNNING BRA?
And if a man happens to be reading this, is there anything comparable for a man that solves this high level, analytical thinking Miller Analogies equalizer: bra is to woman as ________ is to man.