The tough part of parenthood

This past weekend my son William was competing in the Long Course New England Championships in Dover, NH. He’s been training since April for the Long Course season, so the Championship meet is the BIG deal for the Long Course season. In swimming there’s 2 seasons – Short Course and Long Course. The Short Course season is always in the Fall/Winter and the Long Course season is always in the Spring/Summer. William also competes on an additional summer swim team at our summer pool club. So, in reality… he’s in the pool quite a bit throughout the year. Since he also begs us to do baseball, and there’s practice and games throughout the spring and summer, we try the best we can to balance his practice schedule. To be honest, I don’t want him to burn out or get too tired. I’m ALWAYS asking him, “You feel good? You feel tired?” I always get a, “Nope, I’m fine.”

I know every parent says this about their child, so I’m please don’t hold this against me when I say this about William.

William is one of those kids that was born determined and driven.

He does great in school.
He does great in sports.
He does great in music and art.

He loves to learn. I mean, literally loves to learn. As we were driving to New Hampshire on Wednesday afternoon, I was playing around on my phone as William asked Matt about 25 questions about WWII and Vietnam and Russia. Sometimes I scratch my head and say, “Did he really come from me?”

His 3rd grade teacher once told me, “We had time left before school ended, so I told the kids they could have some free time. William raised his hand and asked for extra social studies work.” His teacher thought I’d get a chuckle out of it, and I did… but that’s my William.

Swimming

In swimming William is determined, dedicated and desires to do exceptional. He watches YouTube videos. He subscribes to SPLASH magazine. He works hard. He just loves swimming and wants to be the best he can possibly be. As his mom, and I know Matt feels the same way, we do everything we can to make sure he’s doing what he loves. I love seeing this passion and spark for something in his eyes, it makes me feel whole as a mom to see my child loving what he does. I’ll never forget William swimming for the first time when he was 5 years old, he got out of the water and said, “Can I try that again?” He was always that go-getter type kid.

This weekend I had one of those mom-moments that broke my heart.

He had been having a good meet this weekend. He hadn’t been hitting all of his best times across the board, but he was having fun and enjoying the races. The best part of swimming when you’re 9 years old, you don’t care so much about times, you just want to get out there and race and try to win. The other best part, regardless of times and places, each kid shakes hands at the end and says “good job” to his competitors. It’s great to see these young boys doing this, I feel like it’s building such character in them. It’s a great sight to see from the bleachers.

Well, on Friday afternoon William had his BIG race. He had been waiting ALL week for this particular race… the 50 meter butterfly. You see, William HATES doing any race longer than a 50 right now, which is one lap in a Long Course pool. He loves the quick, fast races. He’s a sprinter at heart.

As he was walking down to the pool, I don’t know why my husband got worried about this, but he said… “I hope his goggles aren’t too loose. Victoria was chewing on them.”

Well, Victoria chews on them every single day, so I wasn’t so worried.

I saw William on the block. He was in his zone. He was ready.

As the gun went off, he dove in and came up with a 1/2 butterfly stroke. At first glance, I knew… his goggles fell off.

His. Goggles. Feel. Off.

His race. His day.

No goggles.

It’s funny, about a year ago, his new coach Michelle was trying to train the kids to swim without goggles, just in case – THIS ever happened. I remember sitting on the pool deck going, “I just don’t see the point of this?” Well, Michelle… now I do. I do big time.

William got disqualified for trying to fix his goggles because he didn’t follow through with his stroke.

As soon as he got out of the water, I could tell he was crying. Now if you know my William, the kid doesn’t cry. I felt so bad for him.

There was nothing I could do to fix the race.
There was nothing I could do to make sure the goggles were tight after he left our side.
There was nothing I could do but tell him, “Next time, buddy… next time.”

It was a tough moment for me because William’s 9 years old. He’s young. He’s a little guy. But I knew my husband and I had this moment with him and if we didn’t take it, we might never get it back again. I hugged him and let him cry it out. I knew he was crushed. He wanted to race. He wanted to win. It was THE race he had been talking about and waiting for. I knew he would be OK after a good cry. But it was then when we said to him, “Remember this feeling. Remember feeling upset. Embrace THIS feeling. Embrace it because you’ll never want to feel it again. Let it all out and use this for fuel for your next race.”

I don’t know if William got it. I don’t know if William will actually use the feeling as fuel.

But it’s these moments that are the toughest in parenthood. It’s seeing your child devastated. I remember my first heartbreak in high school. I remember not getting the part in the school play. I remember getting cut from the field hockey team. I remember not making the relay team that I wanted to be on. I remember these moments… and I remember my mom and my dad being there. My mom and dad let me know all was going to be OK, but not to let it set me back, allow it to push me forward.

I hope my William got it. I hope the lesson he had to learn in this experience is to keep moving forward.

I wish parenthood could always be rainbows and unicorns, but it’s just not the reality of life.

About Audrey

Audrey McClelland has been a digital influencer since 2005. She’s a mom of 5 and shares tips on her three favorite things: parenting, fashion and beauty. She’s also a Contemporary Romance Author.

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4 Comments

  1. 7.27.14
    Gordana said:

    I love, love, love your William! He seems to be one of the best kids ever. Love to read about him and his great achievements. Best wishes to you, your William and all the McClelland clan!

  2. 7.27.14

    He’s a McClelland… a love, but tough to what life throws at you. Being 9 is hard, especially when you’re disappointed. Way to grab that moment and let him cry it out… you know that sometimes we all need to do that!

  3. 7.27.14

    Seeing our kids go through heartbreak is indeed tough. I find it interesting Matt had a feeling about the goggles. Very in tune to your children. I get those feelings too. Like knowing they need something when they don’t ask.

    Sorry William had to experience this. I bet next time he wins. 🙂

  4. 7.27.14
    Jillian said:

    His happened to my Collin 2 weeks ago during his 1st IM…all week he was so excited and then as soon as he dove in Bam goggles off and around his neck. He actually did better then I thought he would given the circumstances!

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