There’s this supermarket cashier…
The reason I’m writing about this supermarket cashier today, or even thinking about this supermarket cashier today, is because of a very funny post I read yesterday by a very funny lady I know — about the-joys-and-peace-of-grocery-shopping-without-your-kids.
I don’t shop with kids anymore. I’ve never been a real fan of grocery shopping, anyway. It’s something to get through.
In fact, I compete with myself for Personal Bests in getting in-and-out of the supermarket.
And who helps better in swift exits than a good supermarket cashier?
Ah, supermarket cashiers.
A friendly lot.
What you say?
Well, I’ve found one at my local supermarket because of whom I nearly got arrested… not really; but who DID accuse me of counterfeiting a coupon a couple of years ago.
But this same cashier has come, over the years, to be my BFF.
Oh, she doesn’t know this.
She doesn’t know who I am.
She doesn’t know that I hunt her down at checkout.
She doesn’t know that I go ONLY to her terminal when she’s on patrol; and she seems to be on patrol 24/7, if you ask me.
She has no idea on this great earth or inside the vast interior of this supermarket chain store that she is my best friend.
Why, you ask, would I feel such affinity for a woman who accused me of conspiring a scheme for COUNTERFEITING a Reddi-wip coupon for a grand savings of under $5.00?
Because of her great, stoic, mostly silent efficiency in moving a line along and getting me out of the supermarket in record time.
‘Cuz nobody, no-how, no-way messes with this cashier. She ain’t takin’ no shit from nobody. She only takes prisoners.
This cashier scans groceries with the ease and beauty of a machine… beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep.
She smells a bad coupon a mile away. DENIED. I know.
She packs grocery bags like Santa Claus… speaking not a word, going straight to her work.
She rips the receipt from the register with the authority of a mythological goddess of groceries.
No eye contact.
Nothing to take her from her work.
I love her.
She’s my SBFF — Supermarket Best Friend Forever.
Because she gets me the beep out in record time and assures my satisfaction (as long my coupons are legal).