I was scouring through old postings last night trying to find the post I wrote about Henry when he was first born. My Victoria looks JUST like her big brother Henry, it’s uncanny!
As I was going through all the 2008 posts, I came across this post called, “What’s missing?”
It made my heart stop to read it.
Little did I know 5 years later what God would bring us…
Here is the post:
My mother’s post, “What’s missing?” left me in tears. Bittersweet tears. Tears of happiness that my mother got to experience for 22 years the love of her father… tears of sadness that my mother has not been able to share the last 33 years with her father, here on earth.
As I read her post, I was left thinking… What is missing in my life?
I have a wonderful, loving husband. 4 beautiful, healthy sons. An amazing family. A fabulous circle of friends. And a fulfilling business.
So… what is missing?
Now I need to preface right here, right now… that this is a hypothetical “What’s missing?” I don’t wake up every morning thinking… “Oh… I need a daughter.” My sons are my life. They are my inspiration. They are my dreams come true.
But a daughter… that would be the “missing” in my life; more so because I am so close with my own mother, that I have always wanted to create and share that bond with my very own daughter. I know that it would be an experience and adventure that I would honor and cherish and absolutely love.
After having Henry, my 4th son… the questions began POURING in… “Are you going to try for a girl?” That question always makes me laugh… “Is it possible to ‘try’ for a girl?” I know there are “secrets” and “things you can do” to help ensure the possibility of a girl… even my NYC OB/GYN told me there were some… but Matt and I never wanted to do that. We wanted to leave up to the powers that be. And after all… socks during sex? Will that really bring a girl?
But truth be told, yes. I would love a girl. I would love a daughter. I would love a chance to be a mother of a little girl. I think it would be an amazing experience… especially after being the mother of 4 boys.
A healthy baby was always my prayer every night. A healthy baby, a beautiful combination of Matt and me. That was what I asked for… I have friends who would do anything to have a baby. So I have always known innately from the beginning… gender doesn’t matter. After miscarrying a baby after Alexander, my second little boy… that was more true than ever. Please send me a baby. A baby.
But as I pondered that question last night, I thought to myself… What would be missing from MY life is a daughter. A longing. That’s it.
Maybe someday I will have a daughter. And maybe someday I will have 20 granddaughters! But it would be amazing to know that feeling. To have a little girl look into my eyes and see myself. That’s a powerful bond. I see it with my sons. I see it in my sons.
And to my husband… who always thought we would have 4 girls… not 4 little boys, you would be an amazing father to a little girl, too.
Life is life. I have to say, when I first began to ask myself what’s missing… I was apt to say, “nothing!” Maybe I felt that’s what I should be saying. But, truth be told… a daughter. It wouldn’t complete my life to have one… it would just add more to this adventure!