I have dragged my feet on this post for way too long.
My Matty update. As most of you have gathered by now, I call my Matthew, Matty.
4 months ago our lives changed.
On the night of January 29th, 2012, I was sitting at Kent County Hospital thinking that my husband has appendicitis. And I’m going to be 100% honest here, and I’m hoping you get what I mean when I write this… but I was actually thinking, “Please don’t be appendicitis, it will make my life so much more difficult right now.”
I feel so bad that I thought that, but it was true. Matty is the glue to what makes our family run. He takes care of the kids. He gets them to school. He takes care of them and the house when I’m away. If Matty’s down for the count, it disrupts everything. We just aren’t that well-oiled machine anymore. But I do… I remember sitting in the hospital waiting for someone to take him for his cat scan and thinking to myself, “I’m supposed to be away this week for work, this won’t be good if he needs surgery.”
Oh, Audrey… little did you know.
Life went in fast forward motion from January 29th through mid-March. Matty was diagnosed with a GIST Tumor, something that they classify as malignant because it’s so rare in a man Matt’s age. You usually don’t see GIST Tumors in people until they’re over 50 years old. Not to mention, it’s a genetic thing, so we need to get the boys tested, too. Life just sort went blurry for a solid 4-5 weeks. And it’s amazing what you suddenly can “cancel” or “miss” work wise and not even give it a second thought. Matt was in the hospital for 7 days. 7 long days. They originally told us 14, but as it is with Matt… he was determined to get home for me and the boys. We met with a doctor at Dana Farber Cancer Institute in March to discuss options and what we could do to help prevent another tumor from every coming back again and he recommended Matt go on Gleevec… it’s a chemo drug that you take orally and it will work to reduce the chance of a GIST tumor coming back to less than 10%.
And so here we are.
4 months later.
Matty’s in the basement watching basketball, drinking a beer… so long story short, life is good. Life is really good.
But still, as I sit here, I still have tears streaming down my cheeks. We’ve been through a lot the past 4 months. More than we ever wanted to at such young ages. Matty is 37 and I’m 34. I guess I always thought “this stuff” happens when you’re older, a lot older. Not when you have 4 kids that are 7 and under. And honestly, I don’t know if we’ve fully processed everything. We didn’t have time to internalize anything. We needed to be strong for our kids, for each other, for our parents and for our friends.
Every time I see someone that I haven’t seen in awhile, they ask me one question, “How is Matt doing?” It warms my heart to see so many people caring about the man I love the most in this world.
Honestly? He’s doing great. He’s positive. He’s happy. He’s living fully!
The Gleevec seems to be doing well, his body is handling it better than we expected. The first few weeks on it, it was almost like he was taking Nyquil every night. He would just pass out and it scared me. But now… it’s not like that anymore. His body is tolerating it and that’s all we can ask for.
Matt’s back has been hurting him again, it’s in his upper back… and since he had had that type of pain for a few months prior to discovering the Tumor, our doctor didn’t want to mess around with it and so he ordered Matt to have a cat scan the Friday before Mother’s Day. With it falling on a Friday afternoon, we didn’t get the results back till Monday night. I was a basket case. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t function for 3 1/2 days. Mother’s Day was a daze… I couldn’t stop thinking about Matt’s results.
Fortunately… we got the call that they were clear.
I’ve never known what it was like to actually feel such a sense of relief that you actually may pass out. That was me when we heard. It was an outer body experience. I felt joy – true joy – from head to toe. It was like life could start up again.
And so… May 29th, 2012.
You’re here. We’re here.
I know I will always be terrified for as long as I live about something coming back. This I know. And I know I need to live with this fear and not allow to it effect my life. I know this logically. Right now, this is the biggest hurdle for me. I’m dealing with it the best that I possibly can.
But most importantly, my Matty is doing well. He’s doing really well.
And I thank you all for your prayers and thoughts still.
*I typed this through some tears, so please excuse any spelling!