Before my dogs were Ryder and Tansy…

… my dogs were Ryder, Tansy and Seth:

And before that (in other words, before Brian), my dogs were Ryder and Seth:

And before that, my dogs were Ryder and Bismarck:

Bismarck passed away 4 years ago today, on July 27, 2007.

In the picture of him above, which was taken in June 2007, you can see the shaved spots on his legs where he was getting treatment for cancer – a rare type called Gastrointestinal Lymphoma. He passed away shortly before he turned 6 years old, just 8 weeks after his diagnosis. We were devastated.

As I wrote a few days after we lost him:

I know Bizzy knew it was time to go. He knew it was too soon, as we did, but he had put on the bravest fight, and it wasn’t fair anymore for him.

It still breaks my heart that he didn’t have the chance to grow into an old man.

For the past 4 years sunflowers have been my “sign” from Bismarck that he is still with me. I explained the significance of sunflowers as they relate to Bismarck two years ago:

This is how it came to be… The evening we put him to sleep, I had to get out of the house. We had had a vet come to the house that afternoon. We had hugged Bismarck as we said good-bye for the last time. And had we buried him in our backyard. And I just couldn’t spend another minute there.

It was a Friday night and most of my family was vacationing in the Hamptons. My parents had taken a ferry back home the night before to say good-bye to Bismarck and to just be there with us. They were preparing to take another ferry back to the Hamptons to meet back up with Audrey, my brothers and their families, and I knew that I really needed to get away. So off we went with my parents. Ryder came with us – her first ferry ride!

I was beside myself with grief, but when we got off the ferry and drove to our hotel, we kept passing fields and fields of sunflowers, and for some reason, it just made me feel better. Call me crazy, but I knew it was Bismarck telling me that those were my sign from him.

Time has a way of healing. I still miss Bismarck so much and I still wish he hadn’t been taken from us at such a young age, but after 4 years the intense grief I first felt when he passed away has lessened a bit.

So within the last few weeks, when sunflowers began popping up in my surroundings (such as a friend sending me a photo of sunflower bouquets, knowing they remind me of Bismarck), it took awhile for it to hit me that the anniversary of Bismarck’s passing was coming soon… and I knew it was Bismarck, in his gentle way, letting me know that he’s still around. Playing in heaven with my sweet boy Seth, I’m sure.

July 27 is not a date that I celebrate. But it is significant in that it is a day that brought change to my life, as unwelcome as it was. The anniversary gives me the chance to remember my Bizzy Boy not for the sadness his death brought me, but the joy his life brought me, and the love I will always have for him.

I love you, Bismarck!