I am not a barber but I play one on TV!

Last night I did something that Audrey had been bugging me to do for the last few weeks since William decided to cut his bangs. Fortunately she caught him before he went too far, but when his hair fell straight, you could clearly see the two-inch chunk that was shorter than the rest. Normally said chunk is from an attempt by Audrey to trim their hair after growing impatient with me (more on that to follow). I have to hand it to him, he did as good a job as she did!

Cutting hair can be a bit of a production with four small boys who will sit still to varying degrees. I like to do all four of them one after the other so we can clean up the hair and bathe the boys all at once. For this reason (OK, out of sheer laziness) I’ve been dragging my feet on “fixing” Williams hair. Aside from that, my barbering skills are quite limited to the clippers and a little bit of scissor work. I learned my trade cutting the other guys hair during football season and very few required more than the standard Military cut.

So I wet William’s hair and after a few snips sent him on his way while his hair dried and we could see if the results were satisfactory. Next I set to work on Henry who was a bit overgrown. All of a sudden I heard Audrey holding back laughter as she quietly said, “Matt, look at William’s hair!”

Live Long and Prosper William!  I did a little more trimming and had more tolerable results.  Not perfect because the shrub on the back of his head was longer than his new bangs, but we could live with it for now.

Anyhow, Audrey took the boys to the shower to wash the hair off while I cleaned up the hair in the kitchen.  Shortly thereafter events were a bit blurry.  Alexander yelled down, “Daddy, mommy needs you!”  Yes she certainly did.  Audrey decided that his sideburns also looked like Spock’s.  Unfortunately, she just snips blindly and tends to make patch work next to impossible.  His sideburns were now cut well above his ears and I was at a loss!  This was a job for the clippers.  I would fix his half-assed bangs and do what I could to fix his sideburns so he would resemble a normal human child.

He now has a much tighter trim, I didn’t have to buzz it completely, and his sideburns should grow back soon enough.  Yes he has a bit of a bare zone around his ears so I could fix them, but it doesn’t completely look like a carved out hair helmet.

I guess if there’s a moral to my story, it’s put the scissors where your kids can’t reach them so you and your spouse don’t ever have a reason to do repair work!