So I’m working my friendly purple pole in the subdued darkness to the beat of Hit Me Baby One More Time of my 2nd pole dancing class feeling pretty darned confident that I have some of the dance steps and spins memorized… well, kind of, when the music stops.
And that’s when Jennifer, our pole dancing drill sergeant, turns up the lights, stops the music and hits us with a lesson in “the elevator.”
Picture this. Arms wide on the now sardonic purple pole. Left hand way up. Right hand just below the chest. I’m listening to the instruction to whip up my right leg way up above my left hand. Hook my foot around the pole. Leg straight. Almost simultaneously grab my left foot onto my right foot. It gets better. Then slide down the pole slowly. Upside down. Like, you know, an elevator.
Did I say slowly?
Let’s go back to the part of whipping up my right leg. Straight.
Can you hit me baby with something a little easier at my second class? But as I look around, most of the other girls are upside down on the pole. OK. I try. And try. And try. Oh baby give me a sign that I shouldn’t run now while I still have an ounce of dignity. Ah, here comes Jennifer. She tells me to start at the floor. Kind of sitting nice and low to the floor and easing the legs into the straight, sexy, easy oh baby baby pole I shouldn’t have to let you go feeling that I think I can do this thing. I’m not gonna give up. No way. Not now.
I look around the room to see upside down “dancers” and realize that most of them have the boots. The boots. I don’t have those low and sexy pink and black pole dancing boots. Are the boots the elevator’s secret lift? Oh how was I supposed to know that something wasn’t right here with my sneakers. Of course. It’s the sneakers, all practical and grounded.
Hit me baby one more time. Please. Then I do it. I do it. I do it! My legs are up and over my feet and I just hang there… since I am already on the bottom floor, so to speak, and I am so low to the floor that there is nowhere to elevator to.
But I do it.
And by next week I will have my boots. The boots. I’m gonna buy them today.
Hit me baby in one more week. Stay tuned for a real elevator ride.