Angels come in all shapes and sizes. They visit when we need them, and sometimes they visit when we least expect it. But there is always a sense of hope when they stir the air.
This is so,too, with the tiniest of angels. The sometimes forgotten angels. The angels taken far too early… the angels of miscarriage. These angels are felt by the people who love them as they flutter in our minds and souls… and especially in our hearts. These are the angels who, as someone once explained to me, move away in profound unselfishness to make room for other little beings. I know the awful and intimate pain of miscarriage through my daughter, Audrey, and my daughter-in-law, Aimee. Audrey lost her baby at 8 weeks almost 3 years ago, and that pain will never heal. Aimee lost her little angel at 8 weeks 5 1/2 years ago. This pain is part of her being.
And even though these 2 tiny angels moved over to bring the abundant and profound happiness and joy and love that Jake and Benjamin and Henry and Dylan have brought to our family… I still see the tiniest angels in my every move. These angels are gifts who brought gifts of life.
Is there anyone who would share your story of your tiniest angel or angels… as there is much healing and heart-mending left to be done for the people these angels leave…
I, thankfully, have nothing to share, but I just wanted to comment on what a thoughtful post this is. Pregnancy loss is one of those things that just boggles my mind at the randomness of it all. Just last week, I was excited at the thought of sharing pregnancies with two good friends, and now this week, I’m left wondering what twist of life caused both of them to lose pregnancies, while mine is still healthy and growing… it just seems unfair, and though know there is a reason for *everything*, things like this make it hard to find one. All I can do is hope and pray for healing and for these angels to help in sending healthy babies.
I lost a baby in November 2006, it was one of my most difficult things I’ve ever gone through. I posted some of my thoughts/ feelings on my blog during that time, http://raisingjoey.com/?cat=48
My sister in law just lost her baby last weekend too, I just want to drive the 8 hour drive to be with her!
I lost three babies between the births of my two children, and those experiences changed me forever. I’m aware of the shadow now–that for every happy couple baptizing a baby or coming up for a blessing of expectant families (something my church used to do), there’s another couple sitting in the pews, staring at their feet and choking back tears. Knowing that, understanding that, has made me so much more compassionate and understanding, so much more aware of the range of experiences happening right around me.
I still think about my angels, especially on what might have been their birthdays. I named them, names that only my husband and I know. I like to think of them in heaven, playing and laughing with the other people I love who are there–my brother, my grandfather, my aunt, my uncle.
Don’t ever tell someone who has miscarried that it happened for a reason or that it’s probably for the best. It still upsets me to hear things like that, even five years later. The only thing to say is “I’m so sorry. I love you. You’ll be in my prayers.” I told someone once that the only way I could feel God’s presence in any of it was through the kindness of the people he sent to comfort me, to feed me, to hug me a little tighter some days. In those moments, I knew God was there, grieving right alongside me. Eventually, I felt more peace than grief, more grace than defeat. And then I could hope again, and the little boy sitting next to me as I type this is the result of that hope.
It does get better. You never forget, but you do heal. May God be with all of the women who are dealing with this right now, and with everyone who loves and hurts for them.
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I have never experienced this as a mother or a grandmother so I can only imagine the loss. My deepest sympathy for all who have lost an angel.
I have had a couple of very personal experiences with the loss of a baby. During my first pregnancy my best friend and I were pregnant at the same time. She and her husband were also our neighbors. I went full term and had my healthy baby in May. In July, my friend was full term and went to deliver. Her baby girl was delivered still born that day.
I was young, and wondered how to get through this with her. I worried about having my healthy baby and how that would bring her pain. I offered my love and friendship and my deepest sorrow for her loss. From there she took the lead and embraced my baby, visiting often, and holding and loving him. She described an emptiness she was left with when she didn’t come home with her baby. A place deep within her that was filled with love for her baby and no place for it to go.
As the months went by, I continued to share my baby and she continued to love him. Our friendship and love for one another developed to a level I believe few are blessed with.
I lost my little angel 27 years ago. That sounds so long ago when I write it, but it doesn’t seem that long ago. There are days that it still seems like yesterday, but most days it’s okay. Everything was so different back then. Nothing like it is now. Back then you were supposed to just suck it up and get on with it. Everyone believed that it wasn’t a baby yet. That is of course, everyone but me and my husband. I was ten weeks pregnant. I was so happy. Our daughter was six then. We had been trying for awile and it finally happened. Everything was going fine for the first eight weeks or so. After that, little by little, that angel just went away. I was devastated. I spent the next eight months in a total funk. I ate too much, I drank too much, I smoked too much and didn’t know how to make it better. It was the 4th of July that somehow made a difference and I began to become myself again and when I did, I got pregnant again, reasonably quickly with twins. We had twin girls and another little girl four years after that. It all worked out, but it was a hard climb back. I have a friend who had two daughters, then four miscarriages and then two sons. She did remarkably well with hers. I guess everyone is different. Prayers were a big help once I came out of my funk. They still are. I miss that baby at some point in every day, but I am comforted knowing that I will meet that angel some day. It will be a wonderful day!
Oh my goodness, Sharon! This post made me cry. I h ave so much to tell, but the baby is beckoning. LOL! *sigh* I’ll be back!
Just wanted to let you know I’m still here 🙂 just haven’t been online much. Boy, do I ever miss blogging! LOL!
I’ve not known that pain of losing an angel personally but my sister, sister-in-law and mother all did. You’re right – it stays with you. They are not forgotten.
Ohhh..our little ages that are always in our hearts and embedded in our souls! The loss only a mother or grandmother can really feel and never forget. Holding your Henry at 1 month old gave me a wonderful feeling of how Caroline would be at that age, seeing they were born within days of each other. Two best friends waiting to see our grandchildren grow up together. For some unknown reason we do not know why Caroline was a full-term stillborn. But some advice for those grandparents thrown into that situation-hold your angel and whisper “Hello. I love you, and good-bye” all in one breath! See “Divine Caroline” website “Born An Angel” for the brief encounter with my precious granddaughter.
Sharon-thanks for writing on this topic!
Love, Bernadette
My son and his wife lost a little angel before Abby. Now they are expecting Abby’s brother in May. This was a very touching post and my heart goes out to all who have suffered a loss of a little angel.