OK. Facebook.
Friends & Community… networking, messages, updates. Millions of active users.
But what if one of these Facebook users is the adult child (as in over 21) of a friend, and that child is posting tidbits of information and photographs that could be defined as inappropriate and/or potentially damaging to a career.
Remember… the “child” is over 21.
Do you mention this to your friend? Yes or no. And if yes, how would you begin the conversation?
It is my son’s birthday today and I was reading all the wonderful wishes he has received from friends and family on Facebook and then there it was… the F word. Why? It it needed? Is it cool? I mean I use this word, maybe too much, but not in a public forum. Not on Facebook. It is almost never needed. I send a message to the user (under 21) and just asked to please not use that word. I got no response so far. But I felt better by sending the message. As soon as you go on Facebook you lay yourself open to all kinds of stuff. That the way it is. Try to get the good and leave the bad behind!
Well, you said it yourself – the person with the questionable information is a grown-up. So I think you should treat them like one. Don’t talk to the parent, address the person directly and explain what you’re concerned about and why, and that you’re only worried about their own well-being.
I’ve got a presentation written about this aimed at talking to teenagers about the importance of maintaining digital privacy. If you want me to email you the notes so you have “talking points” let me know!
P.S. Hope your lovely husband is feeling better, too!
I would mention it to the 21 year-old in question, not his/her parents.
This is a tough one. I think I’d probably say to my friend, “Hey, I saw your son/daughter is on Facebook!” and see if they ask any further questions. If so, start up a conversation. If not, let it drop. But, since the person is an adult, if the posted items in question could truly be damaging to them or their family, I’d send them a private message on Facebook and point it out.
Take it up with the 21-year-old first, or help your friend get set up with their own Facebook page. I have seen an enormous change in the kinds of things my brother posts on FB now that he knows our mom is on there.
I wouldn’t say anything about it. The person is an adult, they are old enough to deal with the consequences and SHOULD deal with them. It’s part of life.
As it was previously suggested, if you feel the need to address it then it needs to be addressed to the actual person posting it.
I like Emily’s suggestion, but then again, the 21 year old is an adult and the mom is bound to find out sooner or later. If you feel comfortable talking to the mom about it, I don’t see where that would be wrong. Better hearing about it from a friend than in another shocking way. I guess I have mixed feelings about it. Tough one!
Thank you to each of you who took the time to comment… your responses are thoughtful and wise. I will go right to the “adult child” myself. I think where I lost sight of the situation is seeing the “child” rather than the adult… wanting to nurture rather than respect the adult who has emerged. I will wait to see if this person mentions anything to my friend, the parent.
And Sarah, I would very much appreciate the “talking points.” I have a feeling that many others may need them as well…
It looks like everyone gave you some great advice, but I am forever having to remind my friends not to post anything on my facebook wall or any photos of me that could get me fired. Because there are just things that my students don’t need to accidentally stumble upon!
I really needed to read all of these comments because I am the oldest of my cousins on Facebook and take a ‘big sister’ role of checking out what they are posting, seeing if any of it will bite them in the butt.
Some of them are over 21, over 18 and I need to keep all of this in mind.
One time a cousin did post something that I had to bring up. His status comment was about our family’s faith (no longer his) and it hurt me. I was also concerned about my younger, under 18 year old cousins that would also be reading his facebook update.
I was VERY unsure of how to handle it without starting a family war. I decided to quietly say something to my aunts and uncles, the parents of my younger cousins just so they would be aware of the comments.
Facebook – a very tricky place indeed.
just saw this conversation about Facebook. i just had a “text” chat with my 21 year old brother last night about it. we recently became Facebook friends (i question daily why i have an account in the first place) and i noticed pictures posted of him and his other 21 year old friends at a party where they were drinking and being silly 21 year olds. we were all 21 once and have funny photos from nights of college and post-college drinking, but they are not advertised on the web i can assure you that. again, nothing wrong going on in the pics, but in my 31 year old mind not appropriate to be posted on a site that potential employers or his parents’ friends could see. anyway, i think he somewhat understood why i was “un-friending” him on Facebook as he put it, but it may take another year and a few more conversations for it to truly sink in ;o)
If it is one of my boys please tell them directly and let me know-it is too damaging to have that information out there. Please let me know too because sometimes it helps to get the nudge from Mom!
Thanks for the article.
I am just way too compatible with my boyfriend. So I’ll just say: What he said. I was going to write exactly that but happened to see his comment.
You could just forward them a link to a site that talks about “be careful what you post on the internet, it will come back to haunt you”.
completely loved coming upon your post!!