Turning 28, still childless by choice

Tomorrow I will be 28 years old.

To some, that is young. To others, it is old (I know it was to me 10 years ago).

I’ve always tended to look at my age in comparison to others in my family. Not as a good or bad comparison, per se… just as kind of an interesting, anthropological (if you will) look at the differences and similarities.

When my Mom turned 28 years old, for example, she was just one month away from giving birth to me, her youngest child. She had had Audrey two and a half years prior. And she had married my Dad four years prior, gaining 2 young step-sons, my older brothers, in the process.

I remember being a little girl and asking my Mom how old she was when she had me. 28 seemed, quite frankly… old. And yet, here I am, less than 12 hours from turning that very age, and in some ways, I still feel like that little girl.

I simply cannot imagine myself, at this point in my life, having 3 children, about to give birth to my 4th.

Really, I can’t even imagine myself with one child.

I know that may seem odd, given that I’ll be celebrating my 4th wedding anniversary one month from tomorrow. I’m past the newlywed stage, it’s time to start procreating, right?

I’ve gotta be honest here… I’m just not ready. I obviously l-o-v-e my nieces and nephews beyond words. I love being with them, playing with them, talking with them, taking pictures of them, watching them grow… I am in no way, shape or form anti-kid. I’m just not ready for the responsibility of having my own yet.

You know what I did on Sunday morning? I slept until 9:30 AM. I didn’t have to escape my house to do this. I didn’t have to hire a babysitter. I just felt like not waking up until then… and I didn’t have to. I liked that feeling.

When I am done with work for the day, sometimes I go to the gym. Sometimes I grab dinner with friends. Sometimes I just go right home and watch television on my couch. I don’t have to tend to anyone’s schedule or needs but my own. I’m not ready to give that up just yet.

I’m happy with my role as “dog mom” at Mom Generations. Some people don’t take the whole “pet parent” thing seriously, but I do. My dogs make my world a better place. And giving them all the love in my heart brings me so much joy. I buy them birthday presents. I bring them to work with me. I dress them up at Halloween. I wouldn’t take a holiday photo without them in it. They’re not just my dogs. They are my best friends, my children, my life. I don’t care what anyone says, my love for them will never change… even when I do have human kids.

Yes, I do want kids eventually. There is no question about it. I clearly won’t be done having them by the time I’m 28, like my Mom, but that’s OK. Times have changed. I have a lot of friends my age who are just getting married now.

So let’s revisit this in 2 years, on the eve of me turning 30. We’ll see where I am on the having kids front. That’ll give me 2 more years of sleeping until 9:30 AM on Sunday mornings. Maybe by then I’ll be ready to give that up!?

Turning 28, still childless by choice was last modified: March 15th, 2010 by Jane Couto Govednik
SHOWHIDE Comments (32)
  1. Jane – Happy Birthday! You are one smart lady. Why? Because you know yourself very well and you know what you want. Kids are so much fun and SOOO much work. I have 3 – I had my first one at 28, second at 30 and third at 34. You will know when you are ready – and not a day sooner.

    Have a fabulous birthday!

  2. My little Baby Janie… Not to mention that times are much different than “in my day”… when 28 was almost scandalously old to be having children. And children were often just a part of being married, rather than a very perfect and thoughtful addition to a marriage. As I celebrate MY baby… I am honored to be your Mom, and I cannot even begin to imagine my life without you. I can say with all certainly that you were very wanted, very welcomed, and you arrived at the most perfect of perfect times. You have blessed me more than I ever could have imagined… and that is what I wish and pray and hope for you some day. Happy almost Birthday… I entered the hospital exactly 28 years ago this hour… and every moment of you has completed my life.
    Love forever, Mom

  3. I can’t believe your birthday is tomorrow; it seems like you were saying it was two weeks away a few days ago. (Where did October go?!) I think of things in terms of age like that too. It’s definitely an interesting comparison. It sounds like you know exactly what you want though. And there’s obviously no lack of love in your family! Plus by the time you do have (human) children, you’ll be prepared for any situation and you will have lined up a bunch of great babysitters. πŸ™‚

  4. Happy early birthday! And I totally know what you mean. I’ll be 30 in February and am just now becoming adjusted to the idea of being a mom in the near future. Before this year, I was like, “Okay … later?” πŸ˜‰

    Enjoy your day tomorrow.

  5. jane, your mom rocks. πŸ™‚
    happy birthday! i don’t blame you at all…sleep until 9:30 as much and as often as you’d like…i’d give my front teeth to sleep that late just ONE day!

  6. There are days I would kill to have your life. That used to be me. I didn’t have kids until I was 31 though and that was the right choice for me. Good for you for knowing yourself and knowing what you want out of life. My hat is off to you!

  7. Jane, you ARE young (says the elderly 30), but I think most people don’t figure out in their whole lives how to know themselves and what they want as well as you already have.
    Just knowing you is a gift to all of your friends. Happy early birthday to you, and I hope this year gives you everything you want!

  8. Good for you Jane! And Happy Birthday! I didn’t have my first until I was 33…and I am glad it wasn’t any sooner! At 39 I am now just considering having my second….life is good now and it just wouldn’t have been the same if I had my angel any younger! Stay true to yourself….that is the best thing you can do for your future family! You have plenty of time!

  9. Happy Birthday Jane. Hope you have a great one!

    And you make a good case–mind if I borrow a few of those points? My family and friends have been asking the kids question since Staffan and I were married three years ago!

  10. You’ll know when it’s the right time for you. I was I became a mom at 22, it was right for me then but I think having a career then having babies later in life would be equally rewarding if not better.

    At 36 I’m wondering if I’m done or do we start over with a baby. Our son is 13 daughter is almost 7, it’s still up for debate.

  11. Happy Birthday Jane! There is nothing wrong about liking what you have in your life right now – that’s AWESOME! Too many people live their lives “only if I had…” hoping for something they don’t have. That’s why I love you so much, you enjoy life daily, and not afraid to say that.

  12. Silly iPhone, can’t see what I wrote. Tons o typos in my previous post, by the way happy almost bday!

  13. Oh, Janie… You will know it’s time, when it’s time. That maternal piece is in there… you’ve given it to my 4 boys every single day! Hey… let’s revisit this in 2 yrs and have a baby together! I mean… you have one and I will have one. πŸ˜‰
    I love you! And Happy almost Birthday!!!!!
    Audge

  14. Happy Birthday! And I agree, 28 is YOUNG! I am 31 and feel as if I wrote this blog. I have been married for 4 years now, and we just got our first dog (pug puppy) so needless to say THAT is our baby at the moment. I love my life as it is, but there are times when I wonder if I will ever feel “ready” to be a mom. As I’ve been told by friends and family, the timing is never perfect. There is always something you wish you could do, places you will want to go, etc. Everything changes when you have a family. I just wish I could get my career in check (was recently laid off) and that we could live comfortably and afford to have children and afford all of their expenses. Right now I’m not so sure. You will know it when you are ready and I hope it all goes just as you had hoped. Until then, enjoy where you’re at in life, because everyone is different and everyone has different goals for themselves. Just live each day to the fullest I suppose!

  15. Hi Jane – happy birthday to you! Mine’s on Thursday. πŸ™‚

    When I turned 28, I wasn’t even married yet – and in fact had just me Ron only a couple of weeks before. I was just starting at the time to think that he was maybe ‘the one’, lol.

    Enjoy the time that you have right now – as much as I love my kids, I do miss those days of sleeping in and doing what I wanted whenever I wanted. I had my first child at age 30 – a full 7 years younger than my mom was when she had me. I was hoping to be done having kids at 39 (my mom’s age when my brother was born), but I’m turning 38 this week, so who knows… πŸ™‚

    Enjoy your day tomorrow – you deserve it!

  16. Hey, Jane!
    Finally I’ve been able to get back into the blogosphere! You know why I’ve been incommunicado the past few days/weeks πŸ™‚

    I think that there isn’t a right or wrong age to start a family. It really does depend on a lot of things…and when the time is right you will know it and you will be a great mom! You are a fabulous doggy mama and a fabulous auntie, so I think you’ve pretty much got it made already! Kids of your own if/when you do decide to have them, will only add to your already wonderful life.

    Thanks so much for thinking of us. We really love you too! Wish you were closer too! A visit from you, your Mom and Audrey would be awesome! You’ve all been so supportive with this whole pregnancy thing…and hopefully I won’t be posting photos of “Junior” anytime soon!!! Let’s hope the bambino stays in there for a few more weeks!!

    Love ya and Happy B-Day tomorrow!!!! xoxo

  17. Happy Birthday Sweetheart!!
    I love you. Your the best Mom of pups and Aunt in the world. When you’re ready for little human kids, you’ll know it!
    28 years old…WOW. It seems like just yesterday when you were learning to ride a two-wheeler and then pitching for our little league softball team, and walking (being pulled by) Cracker and Carmel down to the beach. WOW…28 years old…WOW

  18. Have a great birthday. You may never want to get up before 9:30, or…lets just leave it at that. We do have kids and I love you and they love you.

  19. Happy Birthday, Jane! I can relate to not being ready at 28 — at your age, I’d actually decided to go back to grad school and enjoy the heck out of my nieces, nephews and extended family. Had my first child at 34 and never looked back. Enjoy those Sunday sleep-ins til 9:30! And have a super birthday.

  20. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I hope your day is amazing! I agree, enjoy your childless days and then when the time comes, enjoy your child filled days just as much!

  21. Happy Birthday Jane!!! I hope you have a fabulous day!

    28 is not old at all! You are in a great stage of your life, enjoy every minute. I’m the same way I’ve always loved sleeping in, cooking when I feel like it and girls trips! Don’t get my wrong I do love kids but I’m just not ready either, it’s so funny how it’s “expected” of you at a certain age. My puppy is my only baby for now and he’s a handful!

  22. I know what you mean about being, say, a teenager and thinking 28 is old. Well I’m 9 yrs older than you, and I remember thinking I was old at 28 but now I think about how young it is.

    I got married at 27 and waited 5 yrs to have kids (on purpose). I don’t regret that one bit. I traveled. Had time with just my DH and me. Got to do the career thing.

    Got pregnant at 32 or 33 and now, at 37, have 2 kids.

    Wouldn’t have it any other way.

    So don’t even think twice about having kids. Have them when you want them.

    Oh, and being a dog mommy is very real. My first baby was my cat, who predates my husband. She is still around. And I value her as a family member. I would be the same way if I had dogs, which I love just as much as cats.

  23. Happy birthday Jane! So glad to hear you’re doing what’s best for you & your husband & just enjoying life. We had our kids when I was 32, 33, and 35 and prior to that we had 2 dogs, travelled a ton (we had been married for like 8 years before kids) and just did lots of stuff. Makes it very easy to settle down and dedicate yourself to your kids when you don’t feel like you’re missing out on everything. And when our kids are a little older, we want to travel with them & show them all of the wonderful things we’ve seen and more.

    Enjoy your birthday – hope it’s a great one!!!

  24. I love this post. I love the fact that you are taking your time with this decision and not just rushing to have a family. So many people today are in a race to have children and have them quickly. There is no need! You will know when the time is right. And, when you do have a child take the time to enjoy him or her. Surround yourself in the wonder. These are human beings afterall.

  25. 34 and still childless, right here!

    Don’t start a family until you’re ready, if you’re ever ready. It’s not fair to you, therefore ultimately not fair to any of your existing family members.

  26. I didn’t have my first until I was 6 months shy of 30. Times HAVE changed, and there’s no law that says there’s a perfect time for kids. TRUST me on that LOL
    I know the older generations will have that whole “oh wow, NO KIDS YET” vibe? but ya know, that’s how they’re programmed LOL

Turning 28, still childless by choice was last modified: March 15th, 2010 by Jane Couto Govednik