Gender selection? Seriously?

I guess we’re a sight to see…

A lady babywearing an infant. Two boys in a cart. And one boy walking alongside the cart. All little. All boys. All wanting something down every aisle. All laughing and joking and playing, while in the store.

Yes, we’re a sight to see.

While at Stop & Shop this morning, I had a woman following me through produce. You know you can tell when someone’s following you? Well, I just felt her gazing at me. Seriously, I felt it.

Finally… she approached me. And I have to say, she was the cutest lady ever. She was 64, a retired teacher and the mother of 6 sons. You heard me, 6.

She saw William, Alexander, Benjamin and Henry… and she was in heaven. You could just tell. As she told me, “Wow, seeing you brings me back.”

We chatted for a bit. I told her the ages of the boys, she told me hers. She was just like me, and had had her sons one after the other after the other (and so on) … her youngest son was 32. And he was a Benjamin.

She asked me if I was “done.”

I shook my head. “Not… yet.”

She laughed, “Going for the girl…? After 6 boys, I gave up.”

I told her I would love a girl, but just felt I wasn’t done yet. If not being done yet can be a feeling… I feel it. I just “know” there’s another baby (or 2) out there for us.

So then she looked at me, square in the eye and said, “Go for gender selection and cinch yourself a daughter.”

I was shocked. Honestly, I didn’t know how to respond. Gender selection? Really?

It’s not like I haven’t heard this before from people… even doctors. It’s nothing new to me. But here was this mother of 6 boys, telling me to opt for gender selection. For a girl.

That’s what we’ve come to, I guess.

We can now pick a gender. Not happy with boys… get a girl. Not happy with girls… get a boy.

I know we all make decisions and choices based on what is best for US.

But… I must say…

If a girl is in my cards… let the powers that be decide, not me. And that’s a mother of 4 BOYS saying that.

Tell me, would you gender select?

Gender selection? Seriously? was last modified: February 9th, 2010 by Audrey McClelland
SHOWHIDE Comments (35)
  1. No way!! I am of the mind set that you take what you get. When I was newly married and even newly pregnant with my daughter, I continually said I only wanted boys. Then I had her. Now, I can’t imagine life without her. She was given to me for a reason…probably to take a tom boy like me and help me be just a little more girly 🙂 I love that you want more, Audrey! I, too, feel like we’re going to have at least one more but maybe even more. I say, go for it. You’re awesome and awesome people should be the ones to have kids!

  2. I would not. I think there are a lot of things that technology does for us that is great, but I think there are other things that need to be left up to nature! Not to mention that I knew a couple who spent $$$ on gender selection, only to end up with boy #5 (who they love, of course!).:p

  3. no way, that’s just asking for trouble. At least this way, I can still use the “well it was your chromosome” line on my husband! If I had had to choose my 2nd, I would have chosen a boy, because I love my little boy so much I thought I wanted another just like him. I’m so glad it wasn’t up to me because I love Zoe to pieces and wouldn’t trade her for the world!

  4. before i get to gender selection let me say that i am in complete admiration and possible disgustation (not a word huh) that you go food shopping with 4 boys. Under 4. holy mother of god.

    next, i would totally gender select. i have 2 girls and if you could guarantee me a boy..sign me up.

  5. Oh goodness! That’s surprising to hear that she would suggest it. Though I’m sure after years of trying for the girl, she probably wishes the option had been available to her.

    As a mom of three boys and one girl, I can say No way would I let science choose what I would have next.

    I felt what you feel too. That there was at least one more baby in there for me… I guess that’s how we ended up with Peanut, even though we didn’t try for him, I’m glad we have him and I’m glad he’s a boy. Would I have liked another girl for my daughter to have a sister? Sure but no matter what I received, I was thankful.

    I no longer feel there is another baby out there for me. I feel we are complete now. It’s a good feeling. If that were to ever change, I still would let nature plan my nursery; not science.

  6. The only way I might consider gender selection is through adoption, otherwise nature should run it’s course. We have 3 boys and I think they were all given to me for a reason. In fact, I know they were. I had 4 miscarriages, 2 of them girls. I wasn’t meant to have a girl—plain and simple.

  7. No, never. Even having a child on the spectrum, I wouldn’t gender select my future children. I think some things are best left to chance.

  8. I think this is so wrong in so many ways. There are certain things that are just better left to nature. Just because you “can” do something doesn’t mean you should. And like anything it’s not full proof, what about all of those poor babies who were “selected” to be girls and end up boys (and vice versa) are they terminated? raised “unwanted”? Reluctantly accepted?

    There are natural methods of trying for one gender or another that are relatively useful but going as far as medical gender selection honestly disturbs me.

  9. At least she wasn’t suggesting gender selection through abortion… (I hope!).
    No, I don’t think I’d do gender selection. I’ll be happy with what I get, even if it’s all boys! (I have one already!)

  10. I think I mentioned it before – Husband and I were going to start trying for a boy (with help from a book of suggestions) only to find out once we made that decisions, that it was too late, we were already pregnant. While I love my three girls, I would have loved a boy as well. We’re done – we stopped at the 3 under 3!

    But who knows, maybe in a few years, there may be a little boy out there waiting for a good loving home!

  11. Easy for me to say at this point, but I don’t think I could. I agree with A Cowboy’s Wife – adoption is where you can have a way. I just feel like you get what you’re meant to have.

  12. I would never do gender selection. You get what you get for a reason and should love that child unconditionally. And thank you Audrey. I want to have at least 4 kids (maybe even 5 or 6) but when I tell people that they look at me like I’m crazy (and they often tell me I am crazy)and tell me that I should just have one more and be done. You make me feel like I’m not crazy for wanting that and you make me feel like it’s really ok to have a large family if thats what you really want. I only have one lil girl right now but I am really looking forward to all my kids to come and whatever gender they might be.

  13. I would not gender select. Every baby is a blessing and I truly believe that my babies were meant to be mine (all girls btw).

    I can totally relate to the “not being done” feeling. I definitely have it. I know that there are more babies in my future whether I am blessed enough to bear them myself or bring them into my family another way…

  14. I’m pregnant with my third boy and no matter how strong my desire is for a girl, no way would I do gender selection. And, I totally know the feeling of not being done. We are already talking about “next time”.

  15. I don’t know… I got to be honest here!!! I wouldn’t “medically” gender select, but I may try some things or read some books and get some tips on how to get what I wanted.

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting a girl and a boy. Each sex brings with it a new set of challenges, joys, wonder, you name it. I don’t think it’s selfish to “wish” for a daughter or a son. But I will say if you’re only having a 2nd, 3rd, 4th child to “get” what you want. Well, good luck to you.

  16. NEVER. Never, never, never.

    I believe in a higher power (mine is God-I’m Christian), and not only do I believe that all things happen for a reason, I believe God gives us only what we can handle. If he gives me 4 boys, then he knows and believes that is what I can handle. Maybe I wouldn’t handle a girl. I still want one, for sure, but….I’m not going to mess with the scientific aspect of it all. I’m not the boss. I just carry ’em and raise ’em, and of course love ’em.

  17. I agree with you – it’s whatever is in the cards; it shouldn’t be up to us! I’m surprised she would say that. I wonder at what number she started trying just to have a girl. Also – I love the idea of just being able to “feel” when your family is complete. That’s a sweet thought.

  18. Nope, I would not. I think what is meant to be is meant to be. I have a daughter and 2 sons. I am expecting my 3rd son in December. It would have been nice for my daughter to have a sister, but I would never force the issue. 🙂

  19. If I ever have a chance to be pregnant, I’m not going for gender selection. I’ll just let God decide the gender and be grateful that I have a healthy baby! I don’t think we should change the nature.

  20. No I would not do gender select. We have three girls and thought we were all done and then 7, yes I said 7, years later we had a surprise pregnancy, I knew I wasn’t done I always wanted four kids, and I was convinced it was a girl and all we heard was your going for the boy and honestly I wasn’t all we wanted was a healthy baby. I thought for sure it was another girl that was all I knew to my surprise it was a boy!!!

    I believe everything happens for a reason it was meant to be.

  21. Let me just say I always wanted 2 boys and 2 girls. I have 4 sons and wouldn’t change them for the world.

    I would not gender select. At this point, if I get a girl, I have to get 2 girls, because, you know, the sister thing. I grew up with 4 sisters and would rather have all boys than have one girl without a sister. Does that make sense?

  22. I find it offensive to select a gender. That’s like telling your children they are not good enough and you want one in the other sex because that would be better.

    I understand the feeling of not being done. I’ve heard that before. Special people with lots of love to give bring special people into this world and if they stopped when society told them then we would have missed out on a lot. You’re awesome.

  23. I would not, I have two boys and love them both equally and differently. If I’m meant to have three boys like the pencil test said then so be it, but I will try for a girl when the time is right and I’ve convinced hubby.

  24. My mouth is literally hanging open right now! OMG, I couldn’t even imagine picking my gender. I think babies are wonderful miracles from God and he is the one who decides for us.

    People say the craziest things lol.

  25. I would never pick-because honestly I thought I always wanted girls, but now with two awesome boys I am having a blast and loving it. God knows what he is doing, and he gives us what we can handle. 🙂 And if someday down the line I am still wanting to try the “girly” stuff, I can always adopt a little girl. And I have to agree-I’m not done and know that feeling you are talking about, but not because I am hoping for a girl this time-just because I feel like there needs to be another little voice in the mix.

  26. I have learned to be thankful for what is given to me. I have been given 3 wonderful biys and I will always be thankful. If I do have another one, I will still be thankful whether its another boy or if it turns out to be a girl.

  27. Absolutely not! I wanted a girl and got a boy. Then, I wanted another boy and got a girl. God obviously knows what I need better than I do! 🙂

  28. No…never. If all boys were in my future I would embrace it and love it. I would know there was a reason for this.

    As for the feeling of not being done…I do think there is such a feeling. I feel it and I’m still pregnant with number three.

    But my husband really isn’t on board with me and this was a very rough pregnancy. So we might be done even though I still have that twinge.

    We’ll see.

    As for all boys, there’s something so fun about that don’t you think? They’ll all be so close. All be best friends. And all adore their princess of a Mother.

    Nell

  29. This is such a tough one. I don’t know. I have 3 boys and I would love love love a little girl. I just don’t know if I’ll go that far

  30. I am a first time reader and I actually just gave a persuasive speech agaisnt gender selection. there are so many reasons why it can be bad for a family and for society in general! By the time I have kids i’m sure it will be either outlawed or common place but i will have no part either way

  31. I know this a little bit late but I would NEVER EVER do Gender selection……… This comes from the mother of 3 kids, 2 boys 1 girl. I had a girl (third times a charm) last but regardless boy or girl that was my last pregnancy. And believe me this girl is giving us a run for the money. Not only was the pregnancy difficult in comparison shes just like a boy with 2 older brothers and 2 boy cousins. So although its fun to dress girls up I wouldnt change a thing that god deals us. My husband and her brothers have created a monster. She is catered to and adored yet she can pack a punch.

Gender selection? Seriously? was last modified: February 9th, 2010 by Audrey McClelland