4 years ago today my William was born.
It was a gorgeous Saturday afternoon in New York City.
William’s delivery was not an easy one… I pushed and pushed and pushed (and pushed some more) for hours. I just kept looking into my husband’s eyes, with tears down my cheeks and thinking, “I just want to meet him and hold him… our William.”
And then, at 1:51pm… a beautiful, healthy boy was placed on my chest. He was here! My William was finally here! And he was perfect.
As every mother will tell you… it is mind-boggling to think that my William is another year older. He’s 4! 4 years old. I almost have to keep repeating it to myself. He’s 4.
I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. January 17th, 2004. I just knew I was pregnant. Just knew. My whole life I had been excited to become a mother. And there it was, in confirmation with 2 pink lines… I was going to finally be one!
My pregnancy with William was as close to perfect as can be. I felt fantastic for 40 weeks. That’s right, William was born at exactly 40 weeks – exactly on his due date.
Last night after I tucked William in… and decorated his whole bedroom with balloons and streamers… I took out my journal. I started writing a journal to this “baby-to-be” in July of 2003. I would sit and just write letters. Telling the baby all about me. And Matt. And the life that I wished and dreamed for myself and my family-to-be. I sat there realizing that I truly wrote all of this before William had even been conceived. And then the journal continued through me trying to get pregnant with William… to finding out that I was… and then following my pregnancy (and all the pregnancies thereafter). I sat there in amazement… just looking back at William’s history. He was my meant-to-be…
William is my heart and my soul. He is the most gentle and kind and caring child.
Even last night… we celebrated early with Matt because he is in NYC all day today. As William blew out his candles he looked to me and said, “Mommy, you know what I wished for? I wished Nana Flo was still alive because I know Pop-up is sad she died.” My heart melted.
He is a funny little man. He has perfect comedic timing.
A few days ago he and his brother got in trouble for fighting in the bathroom. I had told them NOT to shut the bathroom door, and they did. I could hear laughing and giggling… and then brotherly-fighting. I opened the door and told them to go “Sit down in the living room until I told them to get up!” William looked at me with a half smile… and he goes, “Mommy… I know you’re mad right now… but can you please brush your teeth when you’re done being mad? Your breath is a little bad. But I don’t mean that to be rude, just to be nice and tell you.”
I couldn’t help but break into a roaring laugh.
He is smart and curious and wise.
William asks 100 questions a day about things. “Mommy, why did Benjamin Franklin get shocked?” “Mommy, how many days until you turn 31?” “Mommy, what letter comes after the letter ‘D’?” “Mommy, what’s 3 plus 4?” “Mommy, what does noca-turnal (as he says it) mean for deers?”
I love how he wants to know as much as he can know. I love how he wants to love and be loved. I love how he cares about his brothers and his cousins and his puppy-cousins. I love how he actually looks into my eyes and says to me, “Mommy, you are my pretty Mommy.” I love how he looks at Matt and says to him, “Daddy, thank you for losing weight to be healthy for us.”
I love my William more than anything in this world. I see the child he has emerged into to and I look at him and say to myself, “Did my husband and I really create him?” As I have said many times to William, what did I do in a past life to get so lucky to have him in this life?
Jane’s post left me in tears today. I have never had anyone say those things about me as a mother. I was humbled. Beyond. And speechless, which is tough to do to me!
William was the reason I wanted Alexander and Benjamin and Henry. I saw this child and I saw how he made me feel and I knew I wanted to have that feeling multiplied. I knew I wanted more children. And soon! People often (oh-so-often) ask me “Why so many?”, “Why more?”… I never have the “perfect” answer to give them. Usually my answer is “Why, not?”
4 years ago today changed the course of my life. My William changed the course of my life. All of a sudden everything else in the world besides my family became a little less important…
There are no words to describe the feeling I get when I see my William as a 4-year-old. This morning I stood in our kitchen watching him try and put a binky back into Henry’s mouth and a smile just spread across my face. This is my William. This beautiful boy. This magnificent child.
The boy that I prayed and wished and hoped for…
Happy 4th Birthday, my William!
And guess what?… I love you the whole wide world a million times!