My Nana is dying… the doctors have said that today may be her last day here with us in the present.
So I wanted to take this moment to remember my Nana in the present, before she becomes an angel above.
My father’s mother.
Who loves me more than any Nana could love a granddaughter. She loves all her grandchildren that way. We know it. We feel it. We embrace it. We feel the same way.
We always have had a beautiful and special connection. I don’t know what it is… but there has always been something there that has bonded us, call it fate. I was meant to be her granddaughter. I have always known that.
Nana was my caretaker as a child. She took care of me every afternoon. Being a woman who had 3 sons… she just adored having a little girl around. And then my mother had Jane… and she just loved being in the GIRL MODE!
My Nana. Oh, my Nana.
She loves the color yellow. She has the most beautiful brown eyes. And she cooks with such passion. Even at the age of 89. She has many famous recipes… baked beans, golden rod eggs, deviled eggs, clam dip, chocolate sin…
I remember as a child that I loved her salad dressing. She would make her own, always. I have no clue what she put in it… but till this day, I have never tasted a better taste.
Isn’t it funny how some things in life are just that way… the salad dressing was just always better at Nana’s.
Nana loves a love story. That was our thing. We read Danielle Steel. We go back and forth trading books. We chat about them. And joke about them. And discuss the plot and characters. We’re romantics… we love us a good love story. Always have, always will. I remember going to see The Bridges of Madison County with her. We sobbed throughout the movie…. this beautiful love story. That was us. The romantics!
My Nana was the first person who taught me that you could have different wardrobes for different seasons. She had winter pocketbooks. Summer pocketbooks. I used to love that as a kid. I would go into her hall closet and sneak peeks at her pocketbooks. She took such pleasure in showing me all her girly things… and as a child, I LOVED it.
My Nana. Who was ecstatic to hear that I was having a 4th son. She loves my boys. Loves them with all her heart and soul. And she never gets sick of seeing Alexander do his air guitar and say “Rock and Roll!”
My Nana. Always with beautifully painted nails. Who never (ever) comes to a family-outing empty handed. She has taught us all that… you go somewhere, you bring something. Plain and simple.
My Nana. Quick with a joke. Yes, even at 89.
Who wouldn’t miss a family function, party or event for anything. I mean, anything. And never misses a birthday or anniversary date. That’s her. She remembers things like that… always with a card.
My Nana. Who every time we would go pick her up for dinner would come down and ask if we could take her somewhere else too… something we will all, all remember fondly. She loves a good Target and Sam’s Club trip.
She bowled until she couldn’t pick up the bowling ball any longer. But still goes to the bowling alley to check in. That was a second home for her throughout her life… the Bowling Academy.
My Nana. Who never missed one of my swim meets. And who we have on video walking up and down the pool at my very first swim meet cheering me on. So close to the edge… as if – just in case I needed her – she would be able to jump in and help me.
Nana. Oh, my Nana. Who danced at my wedding… and wore a beautiful blue dress.
I remember when I told her I was pregnant with William, she cried. She cried tears of pure and utter joy and happiness. And who made my boys the most beautiful blankets… even when her hands couldn’t sew anymore, she made them. All for my boys.
She came to the hospital 7 weeks ago to meet my Henry. She held him and kissed him and couldn’t get over how much he looked like William. But most… she was just concerned about me. Kept asking me how I felt… that is my Nana.
I never thought a day like this would come. My heart is broken. My tears are flowing.
But I know she’s here. And she always will be.
The last month she has said some beautiful things to me…
She told me that she “always liked that Matt. He’s a good guy.”
And most recently as I stood over her in the hospital as she slept, I just started sobbing… she immediately came to and looked at me in the eyes. She said, “Don’t cry… it’s OK. I love you.” Those words. Those words. They will live in me forever.
And the last words she spoke to me on Monday night… she couldn’t say my name, but my father told her I was there in the room and she smiled and said, “Love story…” I laughed and told her I had the latest Danielle Steel book for her when she comes home… she smiled.
Nana. I love you. I wish upon wish you could live here forever. I know you will see me and the boys and Matt. I know you will send us love. I know you will send special things to us… just to let us know you are here, always.
I ache. I cry. I do because I love you. I love you from the depths of my being. And I am that being because of you.
Thank you for being MY Nana.
I love you…
*My Nana passed away at 1:16pm this afternoon. She was surrounded by 2 of her sons, 2 of her grandsons and one of her daughter-in-law’s… my mother, whom she felt was an actual daughter. GOD Bless you Nana… GOD Bless you…*