At the risk of sounding anti-social (a risk I’m willing to take), I have something to share: I hate talking to people on the phone.
I mean, really hate it.
I express myself better in writing. I always have. I’m not the type of person who can come up with the right thing to say off the cuff. (Quite the contrary, actually.)
But beyond that, I find phone conversations incredibly tedious and, most of the time, unnecessary.
Take, for example, a simple question someone needs answered. Say someone just wants to invite me to see a movie.
It’s as simple as sending me a text message to this effect: Do you want to meet at the theater to see House Bunny at 7:30? (The answer, by the way? Yes!)
See how simple that was? No small talk. No pointlessness. Just a simple, non-verbal communication.
Now let’s take that same question and put it in a phone scenario:
*Ring, ring*
I check Caller ID. (Of note here: if it’s a blocked or otherwise unlisted number, or if I don’t recognize it, I’m not answering the phone. But for argument’s sake, let’s say the number is there and I know who it is).
Me: “Hello?”
Caller: “Hey, it’s so-and-so. What are you up to?”
Me: “Oh, just cleaning the house.” (Which is a total lie, but since I have to say something, it’s better than, “Reading blogs.”)
Caller: “Yeah, I just cleaned mine, too. Don’t you just love the feeling of accomplishment? The fresh lemon scent wafting through the house? The crisp linens on the bed, just ready for a wonderful night’s sleep?”
So now I have to a.) go along with the cleaning-not-blogging angle, b.) be aware of my lackluster housekeeping skills (crisp linens? How about, Yay, my sheets don’t smell tonight!), and c.) engage in the dreaded small talk.
After putting in the minimally required amount of talk time, I’m usually ready to cut to the chase.
Me: “So, what’s going on?” (It’s better than, “Why did you call?” but still gets the point across.)
Caller: “Oh, I was wondering if you’re free for a movie tonight.”
Me: “Yeah, I’d love to go.”
Caller: “OK, great! Let me see what’s playing tonight. What do you feel like seeing? Well, first I’ll have to find the newspaper to get the showtimes.”
Me: “Well, I know my laptop is around here somewhere (translation: on my lap)… I can find the showtimes quickly once I turn my laptop on.”
Caller: “I’ve heard Pineapple Express is funny. But House Bunny looks pretty good, too. Or is that too stupid? You know, I still haven’t seen Mamma Mia! Or should we see something more serious?”
Me (in my head, of course): This is excrutiating. Couldn’t we have done this by text/email/Facebook/smoke signals? Anything else?
(See? I told you I was going to sound anti-social.)
Truth is, I’m just a fan of cutting to the chase. If I need to ask someone a question, I just want to ask the damn question.
Now, if I’m talking to someone in person, it’s a different story. It’s just the phone I have a problem with when it comes to dragging out conversation.
I know, I’m weird. I don’t mind if you tell me to my face. Or in an email. Or if you text it to me. Or send me a carrier pigeon with that message.
Just don’t call me!
27 responses so far ↓
1 Audrey // Aug 25, 2008 at 11:35 am
Oh… Jane. I have learned all too well that you don’t like the phone - even when it’s your sister!
So funny b/c you know I love the phone and would talk to just about anyone for about any length of time!
xo,
Audge
2 Adventures In Babywearing // Aug 25, 2008 at 12:24 pm
I am the same way- the phone rang off the hook last week (which means more than twice in one day) and I was like, who uses the phone anymore!? Just email me! AH!
Steph
3 Erika @ Chic Shopper Chick // Aug 25, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I don’t mind the phone if it’s someone I know is going to chat, but I hate to make phone calls. I kind of know how you feel. I’m infamous for not answering our house phone or my cell phone — it drives my husband crazy.
And sometimes I think it’s ok to just want to be left alone! Sometimes I just turn my cell phone off and enjoy silence!
4 Sharon - Mom Generations // Aug 25, 2008 at 12:43 pm
‘Nuff said.
Love, Mom
ps Don’t you just LOVE the clean scent of lemon. And crisp sheets? Can’t beat ‘em. Remember when you were little… and I LOVED the nights when your sheets were clean and crisp, your hair was squeaky clean and shiny, your jammies were fresh from the dryer (and still warm!), your favorite stuffed animals were clean, and your bedroom was freshly vacuumed and dusted!? Why don’t I call you and we’ll chat about those days!
Love, Mom
5 workout mommy // Aug 25, 2008 at 1:17 pm
I hear you! (no pun intended!) I’m the same way and it drives my hubby crazy. I hate to answer the phone but for some reason he is obsessed with it. Then he gets mad when I make him tell people I’m not home—why doesn’t he just not answer it?!
6 Mary Beth // Aug 25, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I’ve been know to lie to my own family members about people at the door or getting something out of the oven to get off the phone. (And then I have to cook something to get rid of the guilt) I am much better face to face. IM is great for us - wish I could get more of my circle on Twitter - it would save so much time, especially since it limits you to 140 characters:o)
7 Heather // Aug 25, 2008 at 8:46 pm
I’m the same way. I don’t love to chat on the phone and if it’s absolutely necessary, I just want to hear what you need and get on with it. Good to know I’m not the only girl with this issue
8 MomOf3 // Aug 26, 2008 at 9:32 am
I love emailing over phone calls too. They are much more efficient! (Plus, I can email with kids talking, yelling, bickering in the background! Talking on the phone - not so much!)
9 Anna // Aug 26, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I am the same way! Sometimes it’s so much easier and faster to text or send an email! I screen my phone calls because I don’t want to spend 30 minutes talking about nothing!
10 C // Aug 26, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Oh, Jane! It’s a good thing I read this post!!! I was JUST about to call you to see how things are going! LOL!
For me, Facebook, texting and e-mail work just fine. I do like chatting on the phone with a few select people. Other than that, I feel the same way you do.
P.S. I screen my calls too! LOL!
11 trisha // Aug 26, 2008 at 2:41 pm
the good news is…you have friends? LOL!!!
I have no one local here, i have to fly cross country to see friends.
btw, did you get my email? i sent you a youtube. sigh. Now you wont ever want me to call you. HAHAHHA
trisha
12 Chris Wood // Aug 26, 2008 at 11:21 pm
I love unplugging the damn phone. Superb. Then it just lights up and you know what? That feels pretty good to. It means my music doesn’t get interrupted, & my day continues without some electronic nagging to cross my eyes. Good stuff.
13 Jen @ One Moms World // Aug 27, 2008 at 12:28 am
Yea I hate the phone too LOL, except when I’m trying to get ahold of hubbs.
I would just rather IM or email
14 Happy Hour Sue // Aug 27, 2008 at 9:16 am
So true! My pet peeve is when kids’ birthday party invites only have a phone number to RSVP. What? I have to CALL you? I don’t like making small talk with my FRIENDS, never mind “Abby’s mother”. UGH.
15 Chrissy // Aug 27, 2008 at 9:54 am
I know how you feel! I think phone calls are definitely unnecessary most of the time. I never call people back! I don’t even like ordering a pizza over the phone (I’m so glad even that can be done online now). That doesn’t necessarily make you anti-social, I don’t think.
16 susan // Aug 27, 2008 at 10:55 am
i can’t remember how i ended up here at momgenerations.com but am i ever glad i did.
i was convinced that i’m the only one who hates to talk on the phone. there are some people i can be on the phone with for hours and it’s very comfortable (ok, only with my sister but she lives on the other side of the country and we basically use it as a therapy session) but with most everybody else, i just want to say “get to the point, already!” seriously, who actually has that much to say? my mother is notorious for calling and saying (repeatedly) “so what else is new?”. um. not so much has happened since you last asked me 10 minutes ago.
and don’t even get me started on all the neato “extras” available…voice mail, interactive voice response, call waiting, hold button, caller ID, 3 way calling, speaker phone. alexander graham bell would roll over in his grave if he knew what we’ve done with his nifty little invention.
again, i’m glad i stumbled across your home. and, i’m not “screening” calls. i’m just not answering. leave a message and, if it’s that important, do what we did back in the day…call back.
17 marlynn // Aug 27, 2008 at 11:41 am
OMG I wrote a similar post a while back. I hate talking on the phone. Who has time? I can get 50 emails sent off in the time it takes to do one phone call! Most people who know me get & respect that.
18 CPA Mom // Aug 27, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Thank God it’s not just me! I abhore the phone.
19 Heather // Aug 27, 2008 at 1:31 pm
amen, sister.
20 Mary // Aug 27, 2008 at 3:55 pm
I feel the same way!
Text me, e-mail me, throw a note in the mail—I will reciprocate immediately. But please do not call me and get cranky because I don’t call you back!! Seriously, how we spent our days is how we spend our lives, and I simply cannot live my life on the phone.
21 Sharon // Aug 28, 2008 at 11:20 am
I feel the same way too, I used to be a phone person, pre kids and a busier life..
I don’t get people that talk incessantly on the cell phone everywhere..
I much prefer email or texting or leaving a quick message…My cell phone number is a closely guarded secret, only husband and close family have it…
22 Painting the bedroom: ready to roll // Aug 28, 2008 at 2:15 pm
[...] My own personal Do Not Call list [...]
23 Kristina // Aug 28, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Great post. I prefer cutting to the chase too. Email is so much easier.
24 Kristen DeDeyn Kirk // Aug 29, 2008 at 11:03 am
One of my biggest pet peeves:
People who e-mail me asking me to call them.
Huh?!
Would you mind just telling me in the e-mail what’s up?
One person e-mailed me recently, writing “call me when you have a second.” When I didn’t call back that day, I got another e-mail, saying “are you on vacation?”
Kristen at http://www.thefamilythatreadstogether.blogspot.com
25 O'Neal // Aug 30, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Wow, I feel SO much better now about my self diagnosed phone phobia!!! Not that I’m scared of the phone, I just HATE it with a passion. I hate the small talk, and especially people that just want to chit chat about absolutely nothing. Not that my life is SO busy or even important for that matter, I just like the peace of me and my computer hanging out in blog land. I even put out a myspace bulletin announcing to anyone that has tried to call me or is planning on calling me to please not be offended that I NEVER answer. Nothing personal, it’s just me. If it’s something important, my laptop is always on and I will respond, maybe even at great length “talking” to you. And then there were the few people who immediately CALLED me to talk about the bulletin I posted. I know this because they talked to my answering machine about it.
26 Rivka Tadjer // Aug 31, 2008 at 9:19 am
This is hilarious. I found your site by pure luck, and I love this. You have a great writer’s voice. I’m the author of a new novel, just published and launching, and I’d love permission to link to your site and your blog from my website, on my list of great blogs. My book website is twoweeksunder.com and my author’s blog, just being built, is rivkatadjer.com.
I’m a longtime journalist turned novelist, a dog lover-mom, Scorpio, human mom, and subversive communicator who thinks texting is the best thing since the wheel.
My novel, called TWO WEEKS UNDER (you can see it/search inside on Amazon), is a satiric thriller about our sense of shame and obsession with visual perfection. At the center of it is a Manhattan spa where you can go under a two week medially induced vanity coma to lose weight. The heroine finds out a sister she never knew about committed suicide, and it has something to do with that spa.
I really would love to link to your blog and site.
Take care,
Rivka Tadjer
27 Busted // Oct 14, 2008 at 2:07 pm
[...] cell phone rang on Sunday and I didn’t recognize the number. As we’ve previously discussed, that’s basically the best way to not get me to answer the [...]
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